


Tell Me in the Dead of Night

by WonderingsAndMusings



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF, Shiphaus
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderingsAndMusings/pseuds/WonderingsAndMusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was dozing in and out of sleep, curled up when he felt the shock to his system, it pulsed through him like an electric current, the sudden warm tingly feeling of complete and total love for his boyfriend.  He felt the hand on his head stiffen, the fingers curling, the legs under his head tense.  That’s when he realized, he had said it aloud.  -I love him-</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me in the Dead of Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [8BitSkeleton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/8BitSkeleton/gifts).



Adam was laying on the couch with his head in Lawrence’s lap, a hand carting through his hair, the Princess Bride playing in the background when he realized it: _I love him._  

 

He was dozing in and out of sleep, curled up when he felt the shock to his system, it pulsed through him like an electric current, the sudden warm tingly feeling of complete and total love for his boyfriend.  He felt the hand on his head stiffen, the fingers curling, the legs under his head tense.  That’s when he realized, he had said it aloud.

 

“Um..Adam?”  Lawrence sounded unsure, confused, and a little off put at the sudden proclamation of love.  So Adam decided to stay quiet, to pretend he hadn’t said anything.  But his heart sank, and he knew then what conversation would follow if he spoke up.  The one where Lawrence said he was moving too fast, the one where Lawrence asked him to leave.

 

“Adam, did you say something?”  Lawrence asked again, a little louder, starting to move his fingers in Adam’s hair again.  Adam stayed quiet, hoping the nauseous feeling would pass so he wouldn’t have to move and reveal to Lawrence that he was awake.

 

They had been dating for close to 8 months, and while they had a very healthy relationship built on trust and respect, neither one of them had gotten to the L-word yet.

 

The movie continued to play and Adam pretended to sleep, but was unable to get past the feeling that Lawrence was going to break up with him, that he and Adam wanted different things out of the relationship and therefore it was doomed.  

 

The panic started to set in, and Adam hoped he could pass the shivers off as being cold and not the real grip of terror seizing through him, keeping him from breathing properly and causing him to see things behind his eyelids he knew couldn’t possibly be there.

 

Lawrence looked down to see his boyfriend shaking and pulled the blanket over him, running a hand down his side to try and warm him up.  Adam immediately clung to the blanket, bringing it up over his nose and right under his eyes to catch any tears that may start to fall from the unbridled terror and panic chilling his blood.

 

The end credits started to roll and Lawrence moved to stand up off the couch, picking up Adam bridal style and carrying him to his bed.  He did his best to pull back the covers with one hand while still holding the panicking Adam in his arms.

 

“Adam, I’m right here.  I know it’s scary, but I’m going to set you down in bed and change into my pajamas.  I’m going to be right here,” Lawrence said.  _Of course he can tell, you fucking idiot,_ Adam thought to himself as Lawrence laid him down on the bed.  _He knows your every move, that’s why he doesn’t love you, you're too much of a burden.  No one would ever love you you worthless piece of shit._  

 

These thoughts did nothing but spur on the panic attack.  Lawrence turned off the overhead light and walked to his side of the bed, getting under the covers and pulling Adam to his chest.

 

“I’m right here, babe.  Shhhhh, you’re okay.  I’m not going anywhere.  Stay with me, okay?  Can you do that?  Stay right here with me.”  Lawrence had seen Adam go through panics before, though he normally knew what was causing them and it made it easier for him to handle it, it was easier to calm him down if he knew what was causing him to panic.

 

“Adam, talk to me.  Tell me what’s going on.”  His voice was firm but low, he knew speaking in a whisper would help Adam more than being loud.  He knew that holding Adam close was going to help more than giving him space.  He learned through trial and error what worked for Adam and what would send him into more of a frenzy.

 

_You can’t tell him, or you’re too much of a bitch to tell him.  He doesn’t want to know you love him, he doesn’t love you back.  No one will ever love you.  If you tell him you’ll be throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to you.  You’re so broken you’re going to just take what you can get._

 

“Larr,” he managed to choke out, clinging to Lawrence’s t-shirt as he cried openly and shook all over, “don’t leave….please.”  He sounded broken, empty, like speaking was causing physical pain.

 

“I’m never going to leave, Adam.  When you can, tell me what’s wrong.  Please?  I want to help.”  Lawrence moved his hand in slow, small circles along Adam’s back, effectively stopping his shaking a little.  He wrapped a leg around Adam’s, holding him closer, engulfing him in his being.  He wanted Adam to know that he was there and he knew Adam needed to be able to feel it all over his body.

 

“Scared.  Don’t go.”  Adam whispered into Lawrence’s chest.  It was quiet, almost too quiet for Lawrence to hear.  

 

Lawrence kissed his forehead and continued to murmur soothing words to him.  “I’m not going anywhere,”  “You mean the world to me,”  “I’m staying,”  “Adam, tell me how I can help.”

 

 _He’s not going to want to help if you tell him, he’s going to kick you out.  He doesn’t want your love, he just want’s you for sex.  That’s all you are to him, something to stick his dick in when he’s bored._ Adam felt like he was going to be sick, the words in his head in complete contrast with the affection Lawrence was showing him.

 

Adam stopped shaking and regulated his breathing before he pulled himself back from Lawrence’s chest for a moment, just long enough to say, “I love you, Larr,” before pushing his face back into Lawrence, not able to look him in the eyes.  The voice in his head started attacking, _Look what you’ve done now, he’ll never be able to look at you the same.  You’ve fucked everything up, you worthless piece of trash!_

 

“I love you too, Adam.”  He heard the words but he couldn’t process them.  “I, Lawrence Sonntag love you, Adam Kovic,” he said a little louder, hoping that Adam would get the message.

 

Adam leaned back, eyes blinking with fresh tears threatening to fall.  “You do?”

 

“Of course, silly.  I love you with all I have.”  Lawrence was smiling as he leaned down to kiss Adam gently on the lips.  “But you just had a rough one, so you need sleep.  I’ll tell you again in the morning.  Is there anything else I can do right now to help?”  Lawrence was always so good about when Adam was coming back from an attack, grabbing him water, wiping his face down with a wet cloth, or just laying there with Adam curled in his arms.  Whatever Adam needed, Lawrence was willing to give.

 

“Just, don’t leave?”  Adam was still in his head more than Lawrence would have liked, not having fully come down yet, but Lawrence smiled and nodded, letting Adam flip himself over so his back was pressed into Lawrence’s chest.  “Wanna feel your heart beat,” he said almost as an afterthought.  His head pressed up under Lawrence’s chin.

 

As Adam drifted into a deep sleep, Lawrence stayed awake, ready to fight off any nightmares that threatened his boyfriend’s peaceful sleep.  “I don’t know why it took me this long to say it, but I have loved you since the day I laid eyes on you, Adam Kovic, and I will love you until the end of time.”


End file.
